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ROSEMARIE






Friday, February 20, 2009


When did i fall apart?

You think i want it this way. You dont know how much i hate myself. Why'd i have to be soo stupid why'd have to be in NA and still get shit results? Everything you said bout knowing i've done my best is all bull. I know in yr eyes i'm always a loser an eyesore. And you know what i think so too. You asked me to not take the appeal now you want me to give up my sch when i've finally settled down. You say i go there to have fun you want me to quit netball and ballet. You're giving me 1 term so i'll proof you wrong. I fcking dont know what to do anymore. You say you're stressed. What bout me i'm torn inside .I want to end it all. If i had the guts i'd end it all. I'm alrdy at the limit i cant go on anymore. I'm numbed by you're words it really cut like a knife. I dont wanna feel anymore i'm tired i really am. I'm smiling and laughing for the sake of it. Someone tell me what to do because i dont even know myself anymore. Yet if i could start it over i wouldnt change anything. I'd do it all over again.




Sch is alrite. The only sane thing in my life is knowing that i got into A103 with Peyton and Jamie. And the train rides every morn with Peyton,Joanne,Max,Alex. Racing against time. And ofcos netball. Netball it keeps me going i forget eveything when i'm training. The adrenaline rush and the sound of my sneakers against the floor. Everytime i talk to honeystars i'm soo broken i miss the girls. But i really have no mood to talk just crying myself to sleep every night. If i could find you now things might get better. I really need someone to fix the pieces cos i'm lost and insecure now. Oh i sprained my thumb during training it resembles a taiwan sausage and i've got a knot in my upper back. Karn lan.

Pull me under
Because i dont wanna
Tread the waters anymore.